You are the Rule-Follower, the Planner, the Doer, the one holding the whole world together 

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But underneath the surface you are exhausted, angry, anxious, and feel out of control. You are in some ways rewarded for all that you do. You get promoted. You get all the housework done. Your family is well-cared for. Your profession is thriving. However, inside, you feel empty, lonely, and stuck on a hamster wheel of life with no apparent exit. You want to get off this train and live differently, but it just does not seem possible. There is no one to trust to delegate your endless list of tasks. You can't let other people down by stepping back from your responsibilities. Also, you believe that what you are doing is inherently good or right--so to step back would be a moral failing.

 

You're not alone in questioning your life direction and what is right or moral. You and you alone can only decide what is a meaningful action in your life. However, your lens may be clouded by obsessive-compulsive personality traits (that you've come by honestly and have helped you) that are also causing you strife.
 

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Traits: Overlooked Strengths and Challenges

 

For the record we don't agree with the terminology, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder--we all have personalities and ways in which we cope with life and obsessive-compulsive personality traits are one of the most common. However, OCPD is a simple label to summarize how many people experience the world. We specialize in working with individuals who have OCPD traits. OCPD traits can be very beneficial in some ways (e.g., attention to detail is very important in many careers. Lawyers, physicians, and psychologists are thrive because of this). 
 

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Traits:

• Preoccupation with details and rules (focusing on details so much you lose the point of the activity)

• Perfectionism that interferes with task completion (you may not even start at all due to perfectionism)

• Excessive devotion to work and productivity (a strong need to produce, to fill every minute with accomplishment, and having difficulties relaxing).

• Difficulties delegating (hesitating to delegate tasks because no one else can do them "right" or the way you do_

• Control and inflexibility (you struggle to adapt to changes, accept new ideas, or entertain different ways of doin g things).

• Black-and-White Thinking (you view things in extremes, right vs. wrong, good vs. bad, with little room for gray)

• Excessive attention to finances or hoarding (can't let go of items despite lack of use, difficulties spending money)

• Critical of self and others (e.g., judgmental of self and others that causes distress and relationship strain)

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These traits are partly inherited and partly influenced by our upbringing. Therapy can help determine the origin of these traits, which can be helpful for understanding and self-compassion. These traits also oftentimes are rooted in a well-intentioned value--a motive to be responsible, to be good, or to feel safe/secure in this chaotic world. The goal is not to completely remove these traits, but to have better control over how much they push us around.

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​The Costs of OCPD Traits

OCPD traits have helped you in so many ways, but there is a hidden cost that has creeped up on you:

• Preparing excessively because you're afraid of making mistakes

• Mental exhaustion from planning, thinking, and preparing

• Slow progress on goals due to perfectionism or getting lost in the weeds

• Challenged relationships due to difficulties with control or emotional openness

• Feeling tense even when everything is going well

• Difficulties relaxing

• Feeling like you are always "on the clock"

• Feeling upset with others often due to them not meeting your expectations

These costs make you want to change, but you fear change because the traits are what help you keep your life together.

 

Getting Rid of these Traits is not the Goal, It's Working with Them

Therapy for OCPD does not involve getting rid of these traits or changing  your personality. The goal is not to dim you ambition, drive, and skills. Instead, therapy is meant to help you clarify your values and ensure your behaviors line up with them. Therapy will help you practice pulling back when it is helpful/adaptive, and hitting the gas when you need to--in a way that is sustainable and healthy.

Therapy for OCPD can help you learn how to:

• Pace yourself

• Communicate effectively and manage controlling impulses in relationships

• Treat yourself with compassion (but hold onto your grit and ambition)

• Make room for all of your values

• Take better care of your health

• Connect better with others
   

Our Approach

We use evidence-based therapies, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), while integrating psychodynamic principles to help clients understand both the current patterns that keep them stuck and the deeper experiences that shaped them.​

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Begin Therapy

You don't have to choose between success and well-being.

 

Whether you're struggling with perfectionism, burnout, anxiety, overthinking, people-pleasing, or difficulty relaxing, therapy can help you develop a healthier, more sustainable way of living. If you're ready for change, reach out today to schedule individual therapy.

 

Also, we are currently enrolling for our Perfectionism Program. Click here for more information.

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